By Chris Beach, Fatherhood Foundation of VA
In all the excitement of wedding planning, no one wants to think about divorce. Trust us, it is not something we want to talk about in a wedding magazine either. But with roughly over 50% of all marriages ending in divorce or separation, it is something we MUST address! After all, getting married is much more than planning for one day, it’s planning for the rest of your lives together.
Now, what if we told you that there is something that you can do together as a couple to cut down your chances of experiencing divorce by 30%? You would do it, right? Studies show that attending premarital coaching as a couple will decrease your chances of divorce by a third.
This is where the Fatherhood Foundation of Virginia comes in. Before you think we are putting the cart before the horse, let us explain. Strong men become strong husbands and strong husbands become strong fathers. If a man knows early on that the greatest gift he can give his children is to love their mother, then we must build upon the foundation — a strong, enduring marriage. FFVA’s mission is purpose-driven, educating men to be stronger husbands and more active fathers to drive true systemic change in the Commonwealth. To fulfill this mission, you must begin at the heart of the family; the relationships. Whether you’re single, engaged, married or in a long-term relationship, FFVA offers coaching and engaging programming that provide practical tools for building strong and fulfilling relationships.
Chris Beach, CEO of FFVA states, “Many of the men we serve through our programs come from a family without a dad and never witnessed what a healthy relationship looks like.” Speaking from experience, Chris came from a broken home where he was stuck between his mom and dad going through a divorce. “When you are old enough to understand what is going on between mom and dad, it makes you want to do better for your children”, says Beach. “My wife and I are raising four boys to not only be strong men but loving husbands and fathers.” In his role with the organization, he has worked with men from all backgrounds and situations and the one thing that he has never heard a man say is, “I want to be a bad dad.” Many of them just did not have one around to show the way.
“When my dad wasn’t around, I looked up to my coach,” Chris continued. In a man’s life, if dad is not present, a coach likely fills that role. There are business coaches, athletic coaches, and even birth coaches. Eventually you will retire, your athletic career will come to an end, and once the baby is born, you achieved your goal. Isn’t your marriage supposed to last ‘til death do you part? Coaching does not mean that there is something wrong. It means that you want it to be the best it can be. If a lasting marriage is the goal, shouldn’t a coach be there to help achieve happily ever after?
According to studies, less than half of couples getting married go through pre-marital coaching. In addition, most people who are officiating weddings don’t even require it. But if the success rate of marriage increases because of coaching, shouldn’t you make it a priority? That’s a no-brainer! Coaching is different than counseling. Coaching starts where you are and gives couples the tools to be successful in their relationships. It is an opportunity to slow down during wedding planning, connect with your spouse, talk about what will happen and COULD happen after you say I do, and the good and bad of being married. Topics that are covered in pre-marital coaching include communication, problem solving, finances, sex and affection, children, religious beliefs, and dealing with family.
Are you still not sold on pre-marital coaching? Ask yourselves if you and your partner have had conversations about these few things:
How many children do you want? And how soon?
- How much time will we spend with each other’s family?
- How would you handle a job loss or a sudden move?
- What roles do you find yourself taking around the house?
- What will you spend your money on?
- How often do you plan on being intimate?
If you haven’t discussed these topics as a couple, many of them lead to conflict in a marriage. Studies show that the top reasons for arguments in a marriage are finances, sex, children, and IN-LAWS. Coaching offers a safe space for productive conversations, an opportunity to share your feelings, and growth as a couple.
Think you would have trouble getting the man to buy in? That’s the beauty of our pre-marital programs. We are an organization that helps educate MEN. And it is not counseling, it is coaching. Reality is even Tom Brady and Michael Jordan had a coach. Tell him you want your marriage to be the G.O.A.T. The team from FFVA not only coach new couples, but they also coach couples who are getting remarried and blending families. They will help couples learn from previous relationships to create a stronger foundation and clearer communication for success in their new union.
Once you’re are part of FFVA, they will be with you for many of life’s big events. After the big day, they offer fun date night opportunities with relationship lessons built in. If you are the proactive type, grab a bunch of friends and host your own date night letting FFVA do all the planning. Whether you are looking to grow with couples you know, or meet new couples, FFVA offers opportunities to make memories, have fun, and learn tips to grow stronger together.
And it doesn’t stop there! Strong relationships lead to wanting and having children. FFVA offers New Dad 101, a ‘Vegas’ conversation for New Dads by Real Dads, giving men a safe space to ask questions they’re embarrassed to ask in front of mom. A Real Dad talks you through what conversations you should have and what you should have done before the baby is born, what will happen in the hospital, and what to expect when you get home. Starting every class with the three guiding principles 1) there is no such thing as a perfect dad, 2) there is no such thing as a dumb question and 3) the most important relationship you will show your children is the one with their mom. This class gives new dads the confidence they need to be a part of their child’s life from when they first see the ultrasound to when they take their first steps. You can find all these programs and much more by going to their website at vadad.org.
To make pre-marital coaching an even easier decision, the pre-assessment and four sessions of coaching are only $150. Considering the significant cost of a wedding and added expense if a divorce should occur, isn’t a fraction of the cost of both of those worth it? Even better, mention RVA Weddings and FFVA will take off $25 dollars. Know another couple getting married? Give them pre-marital coaching. Invest in a nice set of mixing bowls or invest in your marriage? You make the call. We have the coach that can help.
To get started, go to wecoachcouples.org. If you still have questions, you can email admin@vadad.org. To learn about upcoming events, follow FFVA on Instagram @fatherhoodfoundationva.
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