By Rebecca Blackwell with the Fatherhood Foundation of VA
Where will you spend your first anniversary? The fifth, tenth, or even twenty-fifth? Looking toward the future will also help in planning the big day AND your happily ever after. When it comes to being married for a lifetime, you must have a firm foundation in terms of emotional, physical, and mental well-being. Knowing what you want and why you want it is critical because you may not know precisely what road you will follow in life. No one really does but knowing that the person you select to accompany you on that trip has similar life goals is vital.
• What does your Foundation look like? What do you appreciate most about your fiancé and what similarities or differences do you share as a couple? Often, opposites attract and that is because you see something unique in your partner that you admire or are curious about. Was their upbringing, or has their life journey been very different or similar to yours? Sharing those ideas with each other can help you move toward a stronger foundation and lifelong marriage.
• Will you follow a map of life or chart your own course? Are you a rule follower or someone who pushes the boundaries? Looking at these characteristics will help you discuss as a couple what your ‘roadmap’ looks like. Be prepared for detours and be flexible when it comes to understanding and listening to how you each will handle challenges and obstacles in life. You will not be the same person in a year, or many years from now, that you are today; we all change and learning how to journey along the course together will bring fulfillment in marriage and life.
• What goals do you have as an individual and as a couple? Treat marriage like the best job you could ever imagine. Set goals, challenge yourself and each other to be the best you can be, carefully hold each other accountable and have trusted friends, mentors, colleagues, and coaches who you can turn to for additional support.
• Plan for pit stops and maintenance in the marriage. You can’t run on empty and get to your destination of a lifetime together. Make time, monthly at least, for fun dates and an annual trip or vacation together (just the two of you). Read marriage & relationship books or devotionals together to keep learning and growing as a couple. Couples that plan for play and learning together are more satisfied with their marriages and are healthier too!
A healthy marriage is where you feel safe and secure. Do your part to make your spouse feel valued, validated, loved, and important. Compromise will be needed from time to time. Being willing to hear each other clearly and understand each other fully will allow for open, safe discussions around compromise. Love, Honor, Cherish, and Respect are foundational to healthy relationships and marriage. So, as you look forward to many anniversaries and special memory making events in life, continue to focus on the future and where you want to be many, many years from now using trusted tools and resources to get you there.
Rebecca Blackwell, Marriage & Relationship Coach with Fatherhood Foundation of VA, has been working with couples for over 15 years to help strengthen marriages and relationships. Her passion for marriage and family is contagious as she so enjoys encouraging couples as they start their marriage journey, enter new stages of marriage, are dating, or working through issues
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