Healed by Tammy Edwards
On this past season of American Idol, a young artist by the name of Jamal Roberts delivered a stirring rendition of Tom Odell’s song, Healed. This rendition sent shock waves of emotion throughout the crowd and the world and has been an anthem for healing. Also around the world, millions of couples are preparing for the most wonderful and momentous day of their lives. MARRIAGE. In preparing for the wedding day, you have aesthetically dotted every i and crossed every t. But have you worked on the inside you?
Emotional healing before walking down the aisle or standing with the officiant is imperative. It is one of the most important things that can be done for the two of you. Unhealed trauma and issues have a way of breaking down the strongest of relationships. You are just beginning life as husband and wife. Don’t bring any extra people, drama, trauma, or issues. Know who you are and your worth. Two whole people, not two broken ones, equal a healthy marriage.
This relationship may now be wonderful, but often, previous ones may not have been ideal. There may be unhealed wounds from an old boy/girlfriend. There may have been abuse, physical, emotional, and mental. This may affect the way you engage in common dialogue. Learn how to effectively communicate with your spouse and don’t expect them to just know your feelings and needs. Do not take these negative feelings and dispositions into the marriage. Be in a place of wholeness when finally saying “I do”.
Marriage does not automatically erase all of the past feelings, attitudes and issues that you experienced with an ex. Any feeling of betrayal, abandonment, and stress should not be brought into the new marriage. Forgive anyone who has ever hurt you. Bringing this into the marriage is not good for you, and also it is not fair to your spouse. Heated arguments and disagreements can bring out the worst in us. In those moments, resist the urge to throw stones from the past by bringing up what a former partner did in a previous relationship.
As much as we love our families, there may have been dysfunctional marital situations that we deem as being “normal”. What was seen or not seen growing up may affect how you view marriage as a whole. Your single parent may have been one hundred percent supportive, but they may not be the best person to ask for advice. Talk openly and honestly to your future spouse concerning expectations.
The best thing to do before getting married is to seek counseling or therapy from a licensed coach or therapist. The relationship can get stronger and stronger every day with strategies from counseling and constant healthy communication between you and your spouse.
Tammy Edwards holds a Bachelor’s degree in Individualized Studies with a concentration in Vocal Music Education from Virginia State University and a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership from Regent University. She has taught elementary school for over thirty years and is the owner and operator of The Candy Lady. Sweets buffets may include decadent candies, cookies, popcorn, cakes, doughnuts, and more. She also creates customized gift baskets, boxes and bags for all occasions. Learn more at www.tammythecandylady.com.